To read the first three parts of the series, Read Below:
I haven’t dreamt about you for so long now. Does it mean that you have decided to not visit me anymore or is my mind failing to keep your memories alive in me?
We did promise together to never let go of each other; no matter how weak we get or how far away we stay. I am desperately struggling to latch on to that promise, baby, yet it seems that time has been as usual the eternal enemy of us. First, it snatched you away and now it wants to seize all your memories from me. I know my mind is already deceiving me and soon my body would join it in its rebellion yet I know for sure that whatever happens, this piece of heart that is beating inside of me continue to wander in the realms of your love – a place that is untouched and beyond the dimensions of time.
I am struggling to pen down my unruly feelings just like I face difficulty in controlling our half-wolf buddy – Blacky. It is he who takes me to the places that we had once branded with our unconditional love. He remembers them so perfectly that I get envious sometimes of his preciseness and then my heart just smiles at my failing delirious mind while forgiving the manipulative time.
I can see Blacky standing a few meters away from me, in the lush colourful meadow and looking towards the approaching twilight at the horizon. The crimson rays of the setting sun are slowly engulfing the cheerful bluishness of the sky into a faint melancholy. The colourful flowers that embellish the peaks of the tall grasses are shyly retreating into the darkness of the night. The gusts of wind that caresses the thick furry skin of Blacky fades into the dense impenetrable tuft of those grasses, leaving a chilly sensation of your absence all around us.
I shiver from the nostalgia yet Blacky holds his ground, unfaltering and unwavering from the fixation at the horizon, while waiting for the stars. I know what is going to happen next and that my heart is going to feel the excruciating pain because of it yet I am waiting patiently for that moment along with Blacky.
It seems just yesterday when I sat exactly at this spot, near our tent, hidden away from the world in this serene and beautiful ambience of the mountains. These long trees have been the witness of our remarkable affection as we lay enwrapped in us within them. These summits of the hills have felt our inseparable connection as our fingers lay sealed entwined with one another. So, I fear if I look again away from this letter and towards Blacky, I may find you smiling and playing with him.
I feel as if I am watching you through the lens of my camera as I focus it on those dishevelled long dark hairs of yours that partially veils the smooth glow of your face yet I secretly steal away a glimpse of your childish smile. Blacky bounces around you and you grab his front paws to dance along with him in those tall grasses. I look at both of you through my camera as Blacky nuzzles up against you, showering his wet kisses all over your face. Just I am about to click the shutter button, you give me a fleeting carefree glimpse, making me realise how fortunate I am to have us.
With the sound of the shutter click, you fade away and what remains is a lonely wolf and a dying lover staring at the brightest star in the dark moonless sky, together.
…accompanied by his wailing howl and my uncontrollable tears…
and with this our Blacky makes me complete the visit to our secret place from the list you left behind and letting me live another moment with your fragrance around me…
While I defeat time in this round and snatch a fragment of our memories from it, I make another promise to you.
until I become weak to even recognise myself
until Blacky’s howls keep reminding the mountains of us
until this heart walks the entire length of its beats
I will miss you, baby, even in every pause of my breath…
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