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Okay? Okay. By Dee Kay & Roy

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Okay? Okay.

By Dee Kay & Roy


 

“I don’t know what love is, to be honest, but the thing is that when I speak to you I feel as if all the shattered pieces of my soul are finally started to mend. When I listen to you laughing at my silly jokes I feel as if my life has some meaning again. I know I haven’t talked much about my past, at least not in detail, but I know that when I talk to you I don’t think about the past but about the future. A future where I have you by my side. A future where I hold your hands through thick and thin. I don’t know what love is but I do know that when I speak to you I don’t have lie about being happy because YOU make me happy”                                                                                                     

The message was finally delivered to her WhatsApp. She was busy with her office work so she ignored her phone completely. He just waited for her to acknowledge the message, unfortunately, she was a bit too busy to have the time to notice her phone. Multiple thoughts started crossing his mind as he kept on waiting for the ticks to turn blue. The new technological ways to express the love made the classic old love letters jealous. The world has changed a lot yet some feelings are still same; like LOVE.

“She must be busy with her work”, he thought.

“Or maybe she just saw the first line in the notification and got scared”, his mind started playing a rally of anxious and negative thoughts.

“I should call her up”

“I should just say sorry”

“I just messed up everything”, he was getting really worked up as his mind was being stormed by all kind of thoughts, varying from she saying yes to she brutally ending their friendship too.

 “Let’s just calm down and wait for her to reply”, he finally made up his mind as he tried to stop the chaos in his mind.

Waiting while you just spoke your heart is like falling out of a plane while doing skydiving. Your body is experiencing the adrenaline rush but in a small corner of your brain, you still have that doubt whether you’ll make it or not. He, right now, just took the most excitingly scary fall of his life as he began his descend i.e fall in love. He had a nervous smile on his face as he kept on reading the message he sent again and again while his brain worked on coming up with something better than what he had sent.

The ticks did not turn blue even after an hour. His mind was now trying really hard not to think about it. He was getting anxious about the whole scenario. One part of his head was on the verge of giving up completely, whereas the other part still had some hope somewhere. He started listening to his favorite songs just to calm his nerves. From being a guy who would always be listening to some or the other hip hop songs; he now had few new favorites, soft soulful Hindi songs. He had started downloading such songs not because he always loved them but mainly because she use to ask him to send her those songs and now all these songs remind him of her.

His nerves started calming down as one of her favorite songs started playing. The moment the new tune made its way through his headphones to his ears; his mind started daydreaming about them being together. Songs after songs the daydreaming continued. His face had a huge smile. The eyes closed to feel those dreams. His mind was lost in the cosmos of his perfect dreams. A couple of hours passed by as he to check his Whatsapp occasionally. Still no blue ticks and all his perfect dreams started getting darker and darker. He just kept staring at her pic and her status which read, “At work”. His heart was getting heavy with each passing moment.

All of a sudden she came online. He had a sigh of relief but it soon turned into a scenario of mix emotions. His heart started beating fast, his palms started to sweat as he finally saw the ticks turn blue. He nervously waited for her to complete reading the message. Finally she started typing. His heart started racing while his face started to turn red, his breathing getting faster and faster, his body feeling an uneasy warmth that made him sweat; and his mind blank. The typing continued for quite a long time and then finally the phone beeped.

She: “Okay”

He was confused as to what does this okay means but more than that he was actually disappointed as she didn’t say anything except giving him a one-word answer. All the excitement and all the smiles were gone. His heart was still racing against an imaginary friend but deep down it was sinking in the dark emotions of rejection so his mind finally said, Nothing hurts more than love. He summoned all of his courage to type,

 He: “What okay?”

 

She: “Okay that you don’t know what love is. Okay that we haven’t talked about your past in detail. Okay that you think about the future. Okay that you love me.”

He read the message a couple of times trying to decipher what it actually meant. His mind being a positively charged thing was usually inclined to attract the negative things more so he just thought that he was being rejected and she didn’t want to hurt him so badly so she is just saying it like this.

He: “Okay, I get it you don’t love me but you could have said it straight because no matter how you say it, it will always hurt. I’m sorry if I hurt you somehow by expressing my feelings.

I need some time alone so I’ll switch off my phone. The moment I will feel better I’ll come back.

Bye dove”

He sent it and immediately the ticks turned blue so he just switched off his phone before she could reply as he didn’t want her to explain anything nor does he wanted her to give him sympathy. He just sat in his empty room, blank. The mind had nothing to say but the heartache had to be felt. His eyes started pouring out his emotions as his tears after tears began to roll down.

“She doesn’t love me”, he cried out loud.

“It’s just because I am not so good. I’m not earning. I don’t have definite plans in my life. I am just a bloody loser who has nothing good in him. All I do is write and write all day in all day out.”, he let out the agony of his heart.

That evening he just stayed locked in his room doing nothing, not even writing. He spoke to no one about it. He didn’t turn his phone on. He had no reason to do so either. He just lied on his bed as the outside world was being engulfed by the darkness.

The moonlight began to come inside his room through the windows. He looked at towards the window and immediately the moonlight reminded him of her. His heart was in pain but his mind was being sensible again.

“I shouldn’t make her feel bad. It’s my feelings and I should learn to handle it instead of making her feel guilty”, he thought as he finally switched on his phone.

The net instantly connected and messages after messages came on his WhatsApp.

She: “Arre baba listen to me”

 

She: “Please listen to me before you go”

 

She: “You seriously switched off your number”

 

She: “Okay then just message me when you switch on your phone”

 

She: “Its been 6 hours now please switch on the phone”

 

She: “Fine don’t switch on”

 

She: “My favorite writer,

I know you’re in deep agony because of me so I’ll start by saying sorry.

You have been the reason of happiness lately. You pamper me with your creative whenever I feel low. You make me feel special by writing those rhymes for me. You make me believe in love through your stories. Yes, even I don’t know what love is just like you.

But I know that I’m not OKAY without you. I know I’m not OKAY when you are away. I know that you’re the only OKAY thing I want in my life. I won’t say I LOVE YOU because we both don’t know what love is but

You’re OKAY for me.

Okay ?”

He read it again and again as the tears of pain were turning into tears of joy. His smile was never so wider. His heart was never so happy. His mind was never so peaceful. His soul was never so complete. He finally messaged her.

He: OKAY love!


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