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In search of Myself: The Beginnings by Roy

It was a cool evening. A gush of wind brushed past me, heightening the fragrance of her expensive perfume and carrying me away onto the waves of my thoughts. I sat there transfixed into her blue eyes, making plans to ask her out when suddenly a  voice nearby roared, hauling me back to the reality.

“Mr. Roy. You haven’t answered even a single question till now. How do you expect me to consider you for the promotion with your ominous silence? Still, based on your past record and on request of Ms Riya I am being the most understanding person you can ever get.”

he paused to look at the lady sitting beside him, flashing a wacky smile while trying for flirtatious one.

In an instant, those words shattered my castle of plans for the evening date and drew me back into the interview session.

The interviewer switched off the air-conditioner and thus no more gush of breeze and no more waves of thoughts to surf on. I was back in there in totality. The interview had already taken the road to a nightmare and my blatant stare at his pretty colleague had added fuel to the fire.

I fumbled with my words, searching for the appropriate ones. That promotion was necessary for me yet I didn’t know why I was sitting there tongue-tied and making plans for an imaginary date. Maybe I was too confident that my performance record was enough for my selection and getting the girl or maybe I was waiting for an excuse to be thrown out.

Seeing my confused look, the lady turned towards me. Interrupting her colleague, she drew my attention towards her by speaking in her softest tone.

“Roy! Life is a fast-paced slide show. Tell me your story slides so that we can help you design your future career slides.”

She grinned at me. Her voice made a smooth cut through my heart…a cut that was smoother than an unidentifiable cut that a hot knife makes through a butter cake. Her statement pulled me into a fast-paced of my life’s show.

*******

It was indeed a challenging question since the answer always comes in as a blend of tears and smiles…one that requires you to walk down the memory aisle and relive the failures and success…the disappointments and happiness…the losses and winnings…

For me, it was a tryst of a 3-year old version with that of a 25-year old, including all the other ones between them. A rendezvous that made me realize how far I have walked on, away from my innocent childhood and my rebellious teenage to composed adolescence. It seemed just yesterday when I held my mother’s soft hand and took my first few steps, before falling into her arms; when I sat on the bicycle with father and stopped each day on the way to school before a sweet shop, buying ladoos for my small lunch box.

In any Bengali family, the members become overly cautious, overly protective and overly concerned for their child and so mine was no different. Few things that I still recall vividly included the delicious “hot aalo parathas”  cooked by my aunt, grandma’s bedtime stories and grandpa’s constant reminders for studies.

Moreover, my parents are brilliant artists and I grew up around the fascinating paintings and wondrous sculptors created by them, a colorful childhood surrounded by colors and paints. Often my father used to sit with his large drawing canvas and I sat beside him with my tiny paint boxes and brushes, emulating his styles and sketches. However, in the end, it was my painting that was adored by my family members…

I grew up so soon that I didn’t realize it was time for me to leave my cozy nest and walk into the real world all by myself. I passed boards with decent percentage and had to leave home for higher studies. I moved to a city bigger than my birthplace. A city that seemed to be exclusively for would-be doctors and engineers with so many hostels and coaching classes. All of those promising in their unique way to help you crack your exams. Thus a new chapter started in my life, wherein I joined the existing race of becoming an engineer, burdening myself with tuitions and mock exams and struggling to secure a seat in one of the prestigious engineering colleges. 

Your status came to be known by your AIRs(All India Rank) and your fan followers were defined by your performance in AITS(All India Test Series). Almost no time to think of your hobbies or even to take a pause to enjoy, I kept trying to match pace with my friends amidst this. Frequency of phone calls to my family decreased and that to my friends increased. My daily event log became the dinner topics of my family and I transformed as their precious memento. Time flew and I became an engineer at last.

However, the college was nothing as compared to what I had felt in the past two years. The best days of life just began. A college teaches you a lot of things in life. I believe my readers would agree with me on this. It starts first with the distortion of your names, especially if your name is too large to be pronounced. Second, it improves your vocabulary by making you learn only a handful of selected words, really impactful words, that could explain all kinds of emotions on earth; right from expressing frustration when ragged by a senior to publicizing the happiness when your friend request is accepted by the girl you have a crush on. Third, you get friends-true friends-friends for life. Such friends who would neither leave you to bathe in peace nor let you write the exams alone, motivating you in doing all the absurd and silly things. Your motto of life becomes…“LOAD na le…PEACE mar” …and it comes in handy to pacify you in any situations…

Midnight Maggies. Group studies just before the day of exams. Endless bike rides. Celebration of Holi in the puddle and that too in torn clothes. Festival of cultural and technical fests. “Hard wala roti and Pani wala dal” in the canteen. Your first dates and finding for the next in case of rejection. A new style of birthday celebrations with GPL making your buttocks as red as hot iron. Placement tensions in interviews. Job happiness on being placed. Farewell Tears and Dreamy eyes.
All these marked the journey of countless memories and innumerable learnings of my college life.

This beautiful phase led me to the threshold of the corporate world, a new life, a responsible life.  An opportunity to use your skills for the greater good and in return you get to enjoy a peaceful Sunday Sleep. The wardrobe metamorphoses from holding casual dresses to perfectly ironed formals and an alarm clock at your bedside. Your cellphone becomes an annoying friend bringing calls more of your Boss than from your loved ones. You become busy like everyone and once again the race continues…

*******

I was lost in my thoughts when all of a sudden the interviewer shouted, a wave of effervescent anger filled his face, ” Mr. Roy, Do you plan to answer Ms. Riya’s question anytime soon now… Please?” He added please with corporate sugary coatings on his frustrations.

Instead of floundering, I calmly turned to face the lady interviewer and asked, ”Ma’am if you don’t mind, May I say something?”… She smiled and gestured me to proceed.

” A pretty face like yours once said to me the exact same thing but in a different way. Rather than pushing me to design my future slides based on what society wants, she wanted me to compose them based on what my heart wanted.

 I believe the question you asked, made me realize what all slides I wish to behold in my life…So, Thank you so much for asking. For now, I know that this is not what I wanna put on my next slide.”

With that said I stood up from the seat, replying her surprising look with my fearless confident smile.  Turning away from them, I made my way towards the exit. Just as I was about to leave the hall, I gave a fleeting look at her and found her looking amused in her amazement. I, then, looked forward and crossed over the threshold. A threshold that had confined me away from my real world.

I believe we are so engrossed in this universal race that we are unaware of what we really want to do. Even though it may sound a cliché to you but my reader…

“just for a moment take a pause…don’t panic…let others continue the race…anyway no one is going to win it…think what lies in your heart…feel what you really love to do…collate what all slides you actually wish to behold…”


Read Part#2:  In Search of Myself: The Struggle by Roy

Read Part #3: In Search of Myself- The Acceptance: by Roy


IN CASE YOU WISH TO READ MORE ARTICLES FROM THE FLOATING THOUGHTS

SHORT STORIES – POEMS – GUEST POSTS – TRAVELOGUES – MIDNIGHT MUSING – YOUR STORY – MORNING MOTIVATION


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