by Roy & Dee Kay
A cold sensation crawled its way from my nape, sidelining the plaits of my burgundy hairs towards the left side of my shoulder. It was the beginning of yet another long lonely night wherein my nakedness would struggle to find shelter in the darkness of the moon’s flailing light and would fail again. I closed my eyes and allowed the icy caress consume every bit of my skin. I gulped down my throat the rising agony within me.
Was I helpless?
Maybe I was or maybe I wasn’t, but I was here by choice….a choice that now defined my personality, became my destiny. and gave me a new world. No matter how much I hated this world, I was forever going to be in debt to its eternal kindness.
I lay bent on my knees on the luxurious king size bed, clenching tightly the headboard while facing the huge mirror on the front wall. My knees were hurting more than my back yet I kept my eyes shut as he pushed himself inside me. I wasn’t ready to look into those mirrors and accept the reality of he being behind me and relishing every trickle of pleasure by being inside of me.
The first stroke is always the worst as it is the only moment when you search for the justification of the choices that you had made…you try to rationalize your reasons…you get a tiny feel of second thoughts to your decision. But, once that first thrust fills the void that you had once revered, your soul diffuses out of your skin and all you are with is just your flesh and bones amongst those continual thrusts and strokes.
Pain! I didn’t feel any.
Pleasure! What was that?
Regret! I had already torn that page off my life.
Pride! It is ephemeral.
Shameful! Aren’t we all are in some way?
POWER! is the only thing that this world has given me. Power to make everyone crave for a piece of me…Power to make them realize that I am an ocean and could never be savored in one go…Power to make them come back to me to find peace in their life.
The thrusts increased in pace and so did my thoughts. In that 7-star hotel room, amidst the choking fragrance of money and lavishness, the farther he entered in me the shallower he felt his life held meaning. He gasped like an amateur, unlike my steady breaths. He screamed my name hoping to make it his for those fleeting moment, without realizing how weak he was without it. One last go…one last push…and he was done, bolstering my belief that intimacy was just mechanical in devoid of feelings. He pulled himself away from me. Searching for his clothes, he hurriedly got into them and left the room. All I could hear was soft thud of the door, closing behind him. All I was left was the dimly lit room in a complete silence. A silence that had befriended me a long time ago and the darkness that had given me a home.
Finally, I opened my eyes only to see the huge mirror laughing at me, reflecting a face that peered at me with tear-smudged mascara and soiled lipstick. A bare body that had learned to live within those once defiled skins. A heart that never got a chance to taste the brutality and compassion of love. A soul that knew its strength did not reside in the dreams but in the reality.
The face assured me that my nakedness didn’t reciprocate to those touches and my legs ached no more. Everything had been always mechanical and I was just a machine…
Not JUST ANY machine BUT the BEST one in MY WORLD!
Yes! I am an escort and this is my story.
to be continued…
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