The Mask of Smile
By Dee Kay & Roy
‘oh dude! Your life is so perfect.”, he read the comment on his pic. Little did anyone know what battles he was going through in his dark space. A lifelong struggle to achieve at par standard with his academics, a troublesome relationship with his family, a broken heart and mask of smile to hide them all. He typed ‘Thank you 😊’, the Smiley in the end of his reply showed the mask he wore everywhere.
He had a very long list of friends on all social media platforms yet not one knew what he really was going through. He posted pictures of all the places he went, the food he had and the experience that ventured to his heart. The fake smile did it’s trick everywhere. The experience that he had looked as if they could change his life but the feelings he had were hallow and dark.
In the crowd of thousands a darkness lurked around him. Keeping the light and the happiness at bay. He would talk to strangers about how good his life was and still deep inside the countdown had begun. He knew he was in trouble but he never really knew how to ask for help. If that wasn’t enough all his past experience taught him that no one would truly understand his issues or would be able to accept him with his darkness.
The day time was the easy time as he would wander his darkness away but as the outer world was consumed by the lightlessness his inner demons would come out to prey on whatever light was left in him. He would often have sleepless nights and often he was afraid to go to sleep as nightmares of his past mistakes will come haunting him.
He was giving up his hope and dreams of living a better life. He tried reading positive stuffs but they all sounded the same and more or else left like shit. He was terrified by himself. He was a coward hiding behind the mask of smiles or was he a brave soul who had the strength to smile even when he had a darkness killing him inside. All of this didn’t matter as he finally took a decision to end his misery but before he do that he wanted to tell his story to someone. He wanted someone to know the real him before there was no him to even remember.
He went onto facebook and messaged the first person he saw online. He simply sent a hello to a girl who had been in his list for a long time but they never really talked. He waited anxiously for few moments when he saw her start typing. He took a deep breath as he was finally about to express himself to a total stranger.
Soon the his hello turned into a full blown confession of how made a mess in his life and how he let down everyone in his life. She was reading patiently. Then he told her how the only solution he saw fit was to end it all by knife to his wrist. He finally said what was on his mind. He wanted to end his life with a cut on his wrist. She asked him to call her but he kept on refusing as his task was fine but she was reluctant to take no for an answer. He was getting pissed off by her attitude so he decided to call her so that he could insult her and go want he wanted to do. So he called.
The moment she picked the call he start his ranting. Then she spoke softly and told him to listen to her for 5 minutes. He thought for a second and then agreed as he knew she won’t take a no for an answer. Then she started narrating him her story. Her story was horrifying as she was subjected to Child Abuse and if that wasn’t enough she went through a devastating divorce. The 5 minutes turned into a hour and a hour into many more. By the time she was finished the sun was shining strongly in the sky.
Then she finally said, “Did you think everybody else were happy in their own lives? We all have our own fights and a closet full of skeletons. We all have failed relationship that felt us in million pieces. We all have our demons that try to convince us to end it all. But we all are survivors. Not because we are strong. But because we didn’t let our demons make our decisions.
You just need to survive one day at a time. No need to plan everything. No need to wear the mask of happiness . It’s okay to feel bad and it’s okay to be vulnerable. Everything won’t be fine in a single day but if you get a single day in your life when you’re truly happy then that’s the day worth living for. I know the darkness inside you won’t let your light shine bright not because you can not shine, it’s because you can shine so bright that it’s existence will be doubt. So don’t take the easy way out my friend. Fight your demons because you are worth fighting for. ”
She said and bid him goodbye. He just sat there looking at the sun shining brightly as he felt his tears roll out and a sense of peace in his heart. For some reason he genuinely smiled after what seemed like a lifetime. He messaged her thank you and ever since took one day at a time.
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