Midnight Musings #2

Capturing Few Fleeting Emotions from Roy’s life

Date :- 3rd October 2018, 00:00 

As the clock strikes the last second of the day, the memories of my childhood are being locked up inside a safe box that will be placed back on the shelves of my heart. The night seeps now into the upcoming dawn of the next day as the warm midnight breeze is kissing away the tears that make it ways through the rugged rough skin of mine. I am an uncanny emotional soul. I can hide away my feelings as if they don’t exist. I can pull myself away in the shadows of the room if felt unwanted. I can mask my emotions if fail to find a worthy listener. And then in the solitude of my thoughts, I find my words giving me company as one true friend who bridges the passage to release the bottled up storm of feelings by veiling into small stories or poems.

I am quite nostalgic tonight since today is the birthday of the closest person that I had in my life- Gigi – my Aunt…my Godmother. It has been almost six years since I lost her to stars yet she has a special place in my thoughts. Whenever, I think of her, this childish heart melts away into the memories of her hug. I wish she could have been today with me when I am mature enough to respect her love and care and not a child that pestered her with my wishes…when I can also buy her gifts without always receiving them…when I can make her feel special and say out loud that no matter what I do, her affection will always seem a fathomless haven in front of my efforts…that her love will always guide me to be a better human…that never a day pass by when I don’t think of her…that

“Gigi…I love you so much…I always will…I miss you so much…I always will”

We think we have all the time in the world for our loved ones. We forget that time is just an illusion and no matter how much we get it, it will never be enough. And now I wish I could talk about so many things with her…to take her to her favorite places…to treat her in a big restaurant with my first salary…to hug her when I feel scared and lonely…to eat again those delicious dishes cooked by her…to wipe her tears and be her little hero…yet forever is never enough and now I am left with is her smile…

This life is what I dedicate to you…these words are what I keep before you..may this warm breeze take them to you with my limitless love and pain…

I hope you remain immortal always in my words…lost to stars…

by Roy

(These feelings depicted are beyond rationale and so it is advised to read with a compassionate heart)

23 replies »

  1. I so sorry!! I dare to write i feel you as i have lost my only sister before 6 years…

    Whenever i listen about such a loss i am remembering this story i will share with you :

    Kisa Gotami and the Parable of the Mustard Seed

    A famous parable of Buddhism is called The Parable of the Mustard Seed. It is found in the foundational texts of Theravada Buddhism. It revolves around a woman named Kisa Gotami, who lived during the time of Buddha’s life when he had already achieved nirvana and was traveling to impart his teachings upon others.

    Kisa’s only child, a very young son, had died. Unwilling to accept his death, she carried him from neighbor to neighbor and begged for someone to give her medicine to bring him back to life. One of her neighbors told her to go to Buddha, located nearby, and ask him if he had a way to bring her son back to life.

    Bringing the body of her son with her, Kisa found Buddha and pleaded with him to help bring her son back to life. He instructed her to go back to her village and gather mustard seeds from the households of those who have never been touched by the death. From those mustard seeds, he promised he would create a medicine to bring her son back to life. Relieved, she went back to her village and began asking her neighbors for mustard seeds.

    All of her neighbors were willing to give her mustard seeds, but they all told her that their households had been touched by death. They told her, “the living are few, but the dead are many.”

    As the day became evening and then night, she was still without any of the mustard seeds that she had been instructed to collect. She realized then the universality of death. According to the Buddhist verse her story comes from, she said:

    “It’s not just a truth for one village or town, Nor is it a truth for a single family. But for every world settled by gods [and men] This indeed is what is true — impermanence” (Olendzki, 2010).

    With this new understanding, her grief was calmed. She buried her son in the forest and then returned to Buddha. She confessed to Buddha that she could not obtain any of the mustard seeds he had instructed her to collect because she could not find even one house untouched by death.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.