The Inner Voice
By Dee Kay & Roy
He never really knew what was going on inside that head of his. He is just too emotional for his own good or maybe just for others. Things looked normal outside though inside it was just a big chaotic mess. His emotions are running high tonight, and everything around him feels so blue. He did not speak to anyone nor did he feel like writing anything down this moment. He just felt too vulnerable and insecure, maybe the loneliness was bothering him or maybe it was the lack of love in his life. He just sat there in his empty room with his emptiness staring at the oblivion of darkness.
Another pack of cigarettes was finished as he opened a new one. He lit his lighter as the room finally had a small flame of light. He just stared at the flames burning it-self in different colours of light. Things were not right in his life, and he was losing the grip over his reality. His daydreaming made his expectations sky-high but the reality was far more different. This made his heartache, as the things he desire were far-fetched.
“Why am I like this?”, he questioned himself as his mind tries to search for the answers deep within him.
“I am meant to do great things, and great things are meant to happen to me but what is that I lack which makes me go away from everything that I dream?”, he said it out loud for the world to hear but the whole world was busy in their own noises as his words fell on deaf ears.
“I don’t need to act so strong all the time when I know I’m broken inside. Why don’t people understand that all I need is someone who could just love me truly and without any conditions”, he kept on mumbling.
“Am I so difficult to love?”, he screamed at the world outside or maybe just at himself. The busy street made sure his voice was unheard of as no reply came.
“I don’t want to give up on myself, again but I’m so tired of fighting these battles alone. I’m sick and tired of trying to understand everyone whereas there is no-one would would even give me a benefit of doubt. I’m tired of trying to make people love me. I’m just too tired of it all.”
The streets outside the window were roaring with the sound of speeding vehicles. His words were nothing more than another unwanted noise in the crowd. He just sat there alone taking deep puffs from the cigarettes as he killed himself slowly taking in the toxic smoke. He laughed at his helplessness as for the world he was such a funny yet a strong person to whom they can lean on and unburden their heart’s sorrows. None ever thought about being the shoulder he could lean on to make his pain disappear or just be there for him to cry on.
“So much for being a good person, isn’t it?”, he asked himself.
“Congratulations man! You just earned yourself a long-time vacation with feeling like a loser”, he just screamed to himself.
The night was getting quieter with each passing minutes and his world was getting darker. The skeletons hiding in his closets were creeping out into his reality. Everything that scared him is been used against him by his own mind. The world had no clue what was going inside his universe. The chaos was spreading like wildfire that caught up with winds. The fields of his thoughts, burn down to ashes in his flaming world. The structures of his self-image crumbling and crashing down into the dirt as he just looked at it in silence.
He knew no one would come to rescue him from his own mind. Everybody was too busy with their own fights that they didn’t pay much heed to what was going in his life. The volcano of negativity that had been lingering around to erupt has finally burst out under tremendous pressure. He had no one to blame for it, but himself.
Amidst the chaos in his mind, he decided to take a walk to get some fresh air. He just grabbed his jacket and stepped out of his house after couple of months. He didn’t even care to lock the doors. He kept walking till he was on an unknown road. He was trying to take out his lighter but along with it the cigarette pack is fell out on the road. He just bent down to pick it up when he realized that a speeding truck was very close to him. He left the pack on the ground and dove to avoid the truck. The truck passed him by without hitting him.
His whole body was trembling with stock and the fear of death gripping his mind. His face went blank. His heartbeat is racing so much that he could feel it on his skin. His palms were sweating so were his feet. He pushed himself up as he just stood there in silence trying to understand what just happened to him.
“You are afraid of death and yet you find reasons to make your life worse than death”, a voice came from within him.
“Yes! you made some mistakes in the past, and you will make some in the future. Yes, many have used you for their gains and many even backstabbed you in that process. Yes, they expect you to be strong not because you have to be but rather they all know that you will be. That is your greatest strength and quality. That even after burning yourself, you have the power to share the rays of light and hope with others.”
He just stood there on the roadside thinking about the truth that is been spoken to him. That night he just didn’t save his physical self but his consciousness saved the burning soul from within.
*** THE END ***
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