I miss you.
I have missed you.
I would always miss you.
The way your soft whispers woke me up every morning, reverberates still in every corner of my heart. Most of the days, I wake up to those murmurs, only to find your side of the bed empty. Sometimes, I shout out your name after preparing the weekend breakfasts, only to find silence staring at me. Believe me, there are days when I could see you clearly sitting behind your study table and working on your blog. Then with a whiff of a wind, you scatter into petals and fly out of the window.
Last Monday, as our weekly ritual, before rushing to my office, I went to the cafe…sat by the counter and had your favorite expresso…
GOD! I still do not know why or how could you drink that…
But then while sipping the hot black coffee, I saw a little girl…around 8 years old, snatching her momma’s coffee from her mother’s hand so adamantly that her mother had to give up the fight. Then, as she sipped the coffee, she made such an adorable funny face that I could not hold my smile. It was as if she had drunk one of the worst things on this earth. Her expressions were exactly same as yours when you had eaten those burnt sandwiches cooked by me. I did recklessly struggle to impress with my poor cooking skills. That is one of our best memory.
You know, those expressions of yours are etched into my mind for forever.
It has been so many years since you left but still, your fragrance lingers around me. It seems as if I turn around I would find you standing and smiling at me. And believe me, I do turn around countless times only to find the void looking back at me. I cannot explain to you how much my heart wails at that moment while it gets shredded into innumerable fragments….fragments that I wish could drift towards you and bring you back.
I am still careless now about my clothes and things at home. I misplace many of them only to find them again after a week or after a frustrating search. But I have become more caring for the people who I have in my life. I try to spend as much time I could with my family. Finally, I have understood the importance of keeping your loved ones close and spending as many moments with them as is possible.
You rightly used to say: forever is not ever, rather a moment that should be made memorable.
You are so special and will always be. You made me realize that I was not a loser…that I could also do something good with my life. Today, wherever I stand, whatever I have become, is all because of your love. It made me a better human and even makes me one every day. It seems so strange that I emulate you so much now that the dishes I eat…the places I go…the movies I see…are all your favorites.
Ah, you should see how much Ramy is growing every day. That little devil dog of yours has become the center of attraction amidst the crowd at the park. He is even getting more girls than I could ever dream about. In fact he has started his hunt on facebook and GOD! it is working.
The other day in the park I sat down on our favorite spot. I was missing you when he came and sat on my lap. I looked into his brown eyes and I could see the love that I have for you, only this time that love was for me. Don’t worry honey, I am pretty sure Ramy would take care of me just the way you would have wanted. He might not fill your void but he is doing a good job of kissing me every morning, just the way you used to do
Last night Ramy was on a spree at he tore 2 of my shoes. When I caught him red-handed he just gave me his puppy face and trust me it was better than yours. Okay, not way better but a tiny bit more.
Remember when once you were ironing my favorite shirt and you burnt it. Then you told me that I must have lost it. Guess what! I did find that shirt in the dustbin although I never called your bluff because I knew you would get away with it by making your puppy face. Gosh! I still love it.
I do have the to-do-list that you left with me and wanted me to complete it. Well, I have ticked off the first one. yeah, finally I have started my own blog just like yours.
I won’t back out this time. I really won’t.
PS: I love you…ALWAYS will!
Kai stood in front of Trisha’s gravestone…laid those white lilies, her favorite ones, over her grave. He folded that white piece of letter and placed it with those flowers.
Finally, a tear fell on the soft mud as Kai smiled while reading the epitaph.
” The GIRL who taught me how to DREAM”
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