Author: Pia Majumdar
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Title: What Hurts The Most, Healed Me
Genre: Short Story
You never know what truly hurts until you sit back and analyze all the things that do hurt. And what truly hurts is the one thing that makes your heart clench tighter. Makes you grunt with pain for a second. Lots of things hurt. But there’s one thing that hurts the most.
We were together for a long time. And a long time for high schoolers that is. Over eight and a half years. We started dating freshman year and now we’re halfway through our post-graduation now. My whole high school experience was with this guy. And I loved him. Man, I was head over heels for him. So sweet, so funny, and so talented. I loved his kisses, his hugs, and when he held me tight. He made me laugh more than anyone ever did. That’s what I loved most about him. He had an amazing sense of humor. I loved everything that we did together. We had so many great and fun memories.
Everything was fine. At least I thought it was. It was perfect for me. I didn’t think we were having that many issues. But apparently, he did. Because he randomly texts me one day, out of the blue, and says that he’s not sure about us. I ask him what he’s talking about. But all he says is how completely different we are. How we can’t listen to the same music in the car. How we belong to different castes. Just stating differences that he sees. I didn’t get it. I still don’t. We’ve had those differences for so long and it wasn’t a problem before. Why was it a problem now? But then all of the sudden he says that he doesn’t love me anymore. Says that he did in the beginning, for a long while, but that he doesn’t anymore.
And that’s what hurts the most. Loving someone so much, but knowing they don’t even love you back.
I found out a few days ago that he actually left me for someone else. It’s been one month. One. And he’s already with someone else. All I feel is anger and sadness and pain and hurt and confusion.
It hurts. Everything hurts. From him breaking up with me, to being with someone else so soon. But what hurts the most knows I lived a long while blinded by a love I felt was so strong. And he didn’t even love me back.
But today, for the first time in a long time, I woke up without your name on my lips. And I got up and got dressed, and I didn’t think of you, and everybody says it takes time but I didn’t really believe them until now. The words, it gets better- has very little meaning when it can’t possibly get worse. And so, instead of writing shitty poetry about your eyes or metaphors with your smile, I looked in the mirror and said, get over yourself, and went for a run.
But here I am again, writing about you. Sometimes I think that’s all I ever write about. But today I woke up without your name on my lips, and that was something, at least. And I still remember the first time we met and I still remember the first time we kissed, but I can no longer see the precise shade of your eyes or capture the sound of your laugh.
I don’t know if that’s better or worse. All I know now is that time, like all things, keeps moving forward, whether you want it to or not, and like this we move with it.
It’s been two years now, I found my solace- not in your arms, but in myself.
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