In Search of Myself by Roy

FAILURE. The first word in my dictionary. The word that has shaped the man inside me. The word that gave me a new perspective on life.

A skinny, 22-year young guy crept into the corporate world post his engineering, only to find that the race he thought was finally coming to an end, began with his first step. Though he felt satisfied and achieved with what he landed up, the world around him was shouting the opposite. Though he wanted to relish the new life he just had gotten into, the peers around him were running for the next destination. Confused and unprepared of what lay ahead, he rushed to grab the unseen rewards just like the people around him. And so thus began his rat race…blinded by the mechanical feelings and driven by others opinions. In the midst of this race, the guy lost the little dreamer inside of him.

Guess What happened!

I am not an achiever or a motivator, just a simple guy who analyses his mistakes a lot…maybe my mistakes will act as signages to the road ahead of you…maybe my failures would make you less afraid…maybe my story would assure you that you are not alone…

Four Times CAT failure. Twice GMAT failure. Devoid of Social Life. Lost in Contemplation. Filled with Dejections. Surrounded by Rejections, he stayed in his closet of darkness, thinking that if he takes one other step, he is bound to fall again. And through the slits of his closet, he kept on looking at all his peers as they smilingly and successfully cleared the next life and entered into a new life.

Why do we fear our failures?
Why do we run after the things that we despise?
Why don’t we spend a second to think of what we actually love?

Deluged in the bombardment of numerous questions, the guy searched for a piece of the answer to hold onto and save himself from drowning into the abyss of his broken confidence and then as he was about to breathe his last breath, he found the thread of few words of his lost dreamers within himself.

“Don’t give up brother. Not now when the scars of your passion have already adorned your skin. Wear them with pride and Let them guide you. Kiss them with your soul and let they transform you.”

The door of the closet was no more locked and the guy was no more afraid. Why should he be when there was nothing more to lose after he had already seen the lowest of the lows. He wanted to improve himself…longed to be the best version of himself…wished to test his limits and so began one hell of a journey of a soul-searching.

The first destination of his journey became the platform of Toastmasters, wherein he found loads of broken heart like himself patched with the bandages of love and hope and determinations. He did nothing but speak his heart out blended with emotions and expectations. The in steel family accepted him with a sea of compassion and a sky of affection. The speeches…the role plays…the stories…the tales…the sharing…the caring…all evoked a sense of fulfillment within him. He knew he was home…home to a place where your scars are not going to be judged…where the sound you would hear will be the greet of your fellow friends and hugs of your new family…were unknowingly you would find motivation and unexpectedly you would inspire others.

The toastmaster journey became an integral part of his life and whenever sad and lonely or happy and excited, he rushed to it since he knew the stage and the members would provide him a sense of completeness. The lost confidence bloomed again and the lost dreamer smiled again…

The guy wanted to keep a record of how his thoughts progressed, how his pains felt, how the emotions hurt and how he rose up after each of his downfalls and so began his blog. A blog of his floating thoughts. He started with a few short stories, 5 followers who were his only friends, and maximum 100 views in a month. He was unaware that the journey was about to become one roller coaster ride and he was going to meet people worldwide. Unaware of where he was headed, he just wrote his heart out filled them with the emotions he felt and let it out for the world to read them with tears in their eyes. Soon he met a guy just like him but higher on maturity meter and he became a mentor, who used his passion to the fuel the fire within him, bearing a torch of light to lighten the path out of the dungeons. Finally, the little blog turned into an enormous website with the transformation of Shoumodip into Roy, having more than 1500 followers, 50,000 views, more than 200 posts, lots of friends worldwide and a team of amazing people. The Floating thoughts remained no more as a diary of a single guy rather evolved into a memoir of more than thousands of people across countries. A place where passionate writers showcased their creativity, travelbloggers shared their wanderlust tales, photographers exhibited their breathtaking snapshots and budding artist featured their artistic skills, all with a purpose to bring together every lost dreamer from every corner of the world to speak their heart out. The Floating Thoughts is fortunate to have found a team of people who were ready to make this possible and walk on in this journey.

The website gave him his first Novel, and made him a part of the world of authors. He would always be indebted to all the people who were a part of his life and taught him numerous lessons,

Damn! A loser had followers…maybe I was a loser for the people in a rat race but not for the people in dream race.

Amidst all these, the guy lost track of the next destination, behind which once he ran aimlessly. He started to eat clean, lift weights, run marathons, go on treks, starts pushups challenges, anything that made him test his limits…everything that kept him motivated. He took one step at a time and kept himself committed to his passion. Relentless. Resilient. Consistent. He knew he was determined to change himself and no matter how hard the life was throwing punches at him, he was going to get up again and again and again…because giving up was not an option for him anymore. He had taken a road to search himself and no matter the conditions or situations, he wasn’t going to deter anymore. It took time but then slowly the results followed…the struggle made sense…the quest to his existence became clear. He could see through people now, segregating the real ones from the fake. He realized that nothing was impossible until you were ready to give it all you have…until the last sweat kisses your breath…until the last cell within you scream to keep fighting on…until every drop of tears shed is compensated.

The journey is never complete and will never be. The road to improving oneself is a neverending one. The best version of yourself will always be waiting to find the next best. The goal is just to keep going on.

The guy of the story is writing to you to make you realize that if he can find his calling, so can everyone reading this. Just Don’t give up on yourself…not now when the dreamer inside you is screaming at you…Go DO EPIC!




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43 replies »

  1. Oh man! Can’t believe you wrote this… you’ve just awakened something in me man. You’ve motivated me! And yes, we all have a story, and we are home, here we can tell it because we are surrounded with people who can’t judge us. Much love bro!


  2. A wonderful piece Roy. You went searching to find yourself, only to find out you were never truly lost. Just searching within your heart; until you finally found, your true potential! Blessings!


  3. When I read the word “Engineering” at the beginning; I knew would I relate to this guy; and by the time I finished reading; I knew that in some parallel universe out there, I would be doing the same thing. – An Engineer himself, who instead of doing marvels with engines and fluid dynamics and what not, is more of an artist. I feel for you bro.
    Have a happy day!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is so motivating Roy ….amazing story and I totally love the never to give up spirit . It takes courage to accept failures and here you have kept them out in open …bravo for that . The only failures in life are the things that are not meant for us. More power to you

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks so much…the family of WordPress has always been an inspiration in itself…I have met so many people who have motivated me in many ways…I hope I could be part of it and help lost guys like me…
      Still the journey is neverending and maybe we can create a world by joining in this revolution of keeping the fire of passion burning…thanks



  5. I am super proud of you Roy.❤️ You not only came out of your failures but also helped others like me to dream once again. I was always told that my words will give me nothing and just pain. Writing is only for those who are depressed and depression is a weakness, but today when people read me and my words, it feels so good. 🙂 All I will say ‘ sometimes graveyard of broken dreams becomes the stage for upcoming stories’🌼

    Liked by 3 people

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