RUMINATIONS is NEEL’s diary. Each entry from it will share the moments of soul-searching from Neel’s life. Hope his introspection becomes a source of motivation for others.

Diary Entry: …24th Dec’17…0250 hrs…with All my IMPERFECTIONS

Once again the sleepless nights haunt me as I lay awake on my bed with my diary beside me and your memories within me. I have been holding the pen for quite some time now yet have been unable to scribble anything…neither the laments of this heart…nor the rants of this hate. The bombarding thoughts have rendered me helpless because the moment I decide to hold on to one of them, it just disappears leaving me something more intense than the previous, drowning me again in its abyss. Then as the certainty of the resentment for you fills me in, the next instant your smile flashes past me like a fleeting second, eliminating every last trickle of hatred from each of my cells.

Damn! just one smile is enough to wash away the years of the pain…betryal…misunderstandings…confusions…only to patch them up with moments of ephemeral love.

Well, if you think I am going to fill this entry with the whinings of my lost love, then you will have to rethink and keep continuing to read it. I am sure you are going to relate to whatever I write henceforth.

There are so many collaterals involved when you decide to build a relationship with someone, be it any kind of relation, that upon its failure you either get scars of maturity for life or scars of a noose around your neck. I do really hope that the no one chooses the second option as it is the undisputed gesture of cowardice and that is not acceptable or justifiable at all. Let me explain a bit more about the invisible collaterals that are involved in any commitment. This one big basket of every good thing that you experience while you are in that relationship, such as trust that grows stronger with every other day, the compromises that you start to make to hold on to the thread, the sacrifices you make since your priorities take a backseat, the care and the concern, the love and the affection. Amidst all these intangible entities, you start to transform…transform into someone you want to be the perfect person for the other…all for the aim to be just ACCEPTED.

But, then by that point of time, in your journey of so-called your relationship, you have lost the most important thing that once defined you and that is YOU…
CONFUSED??? well, the more you try to be the perfect guy for your partner, the more you drift away from your individuality and originality…your sole unique identity that defines you…transforming into something that is just a mirage of your illusions.

HAVEN’T we all done this sometime in our life?? If not, then I must say you have been quite fortunate and virgin in front of the upcoming Wrath of life or maybe you are just naive and don’t want to accept it. Anyways, continuing with the story of collaterals, I left out the most important and devastating one…CAN YOU GUESS? COMMENT BELOW NOW BEFORE READING AHEAD!!!

Yeah! the most devastating of the collaterals in any relationship is EXPECTATIONS…
Fuck U Expectations! This is one of the most painful ones because it lays the foundation for the failures in a relationship. The expectation of getting loved the same as you do…the expectations of honesty and sincerity as you show…the expectations of compromise and sacrifice to the same intensity as you did…the expectations of having the perfect partner for yourself…the expectations of every little and large feelings to be expressed as you showed…fucks you right into your worst spot and that is the fragile and thin thread of your relation.

The answer has been the most simple one and always the same –
BE JUST YOURSELF…Don’t veil yourself with fakeness…Don’t hide behind the unsustainable attractions…Don’t try to be the best choice available…

When someone accepts you in all true sense, he/she accepts the REAL_YOU and not the MADE UP-YOU. Show then your real heart and your true soul. Don’t feel scared to stand cloaked with your vulnerable weaknesses because maybe the weakness in you was meant to find the strengths in her/his…the broken fragments in you were waiting with its rough edges to be smoothened with the broken shards of her/his heart. Your imperfections are what differentiates you from the crowd…your blemishes are what that make the unblemished portions beautiful…your darkness is what that makes the light in you shine the brightest.

Such a relationship will have no collaterals BUT only the RESPECT…LOVE…ACCEPTANCE…and NO EXPECTATIONS…

Next time don’t think twice and wear your weaknesses with pride since if you can’t love the real you within you, how could you love someone else…?

Tell the universe today, if it is conspiring to send your partner soon to you…that
You await her/him with…
all your FAILURES
all your FRAGILITY
all your FEARS
all your LOVE

Signing off


PS: the REAL Neel 😛

COMMENT YOUR FEELINGS BELOW! would love to listen what makes you real…


RUMINATIONS #1 : Journey of Failures

RUMINATIONS # 5: Obsession…Let It GO !!!


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20 thoughts on “RUMINATIONS # 8: with All my IMPERFECTIONS

  1. ‘Your imperfections are what differentiates you from the crowd…your blemishes are what that make the unblemished portions beautiful…your darkness is what that makes the light in you shine the brightest.’

    Absolutely! And if somebody chooses to let go of you for your imperfections, may be they don’t get to be with you at all.

    Liked by 1 person

        1. Indeed it is confusing…but then we can just ask the question…
          ” Can you be strong enough to handle you emotions or will you fall prey to it?”

          Since being a master of emotions is a really challenge and not everyone can do it. But if one can succeed in controlling them , then maybe he or she can get to see the new version of himself or herself…

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Believe me Roy! It isn’t easy. I ask myself this question time and again. There are days when I think I can conquer it all and then there are other days, moments when you need a sense of validation, a sense of appreciation.

            Liked by 1 person

          2. I agree to it since I have walked in your shoes …but before that let me tell you that you are on right road…a road that very few people own or accept…
            You fear or feel confused but this is just a sign that you are getting mature…mature than the rest of the lot around you…you are not lost in the loop of the mundane thoughts rather you are diving inside your head…and let me tell you it is indeed a huge confusing place to get lost…and still you are brave to find your way…
            Without failure you can’t succeed… with getting lost you can’t find a way…so feel all the questions that strike your mind…you won’t have answers to many…I didn’t have answers also and still don’t but then I feel atleast I know the questions which the normal lot don’t care.
            So what I will suggest you to don’t give up…keep moving forward…keep making the best version or urself…you may find inspiration one day and feel demotivated other days…and believe me the demotivated days are more…but then if you can survive them…I promise you will find a new you within you…

            Liked by 1 person

          3. That’s the nicest thing I heard today! May be one day we’ll have the answers, may be we won’t. Come what may, we are on the road to finding out, discovering, discovering about our own selves, observing us from outside, letting of definitions the world has for us.

            Liked by 1 person

  2. True! we need to change ourselves for good but not to impress others or to fit in somewhere, it’s useless!

    I always heard that I am different not only from others but from my own too, be it my grand parents or my parents or friends or relatives or some unknown…..I heard I am rude, I heard I am adamant, I heard I am selfish and what not…..But then there came a time in my life when everyone seemed to love me and appreciate me so much that I was surprised!!! What I hear now is, you are such a strong girl, you don’t give up on anything, you are honest, you are real…..Yes real! I was the real me only all this time, only that people have accepted me now. But, the important point is I did’t waste my time, energy or emotions on impressing them. I had my hard times too and all those people who stood firmly with me from then till now forms my world now 🙂

    So formula is simple: Be your true self, rest will follow!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have been guilty of changing myself for others. I know I wanted to be loved. It has been hard because in a world with unlimited choices I didn’t think I was special enough to get picked. I’ve had unrealistic expectations too. I thought if I gave more I would get something in return. I learned this was an issue for me. I think I’m a little better with this one but the first is still hard.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. We always blame ourselves for the fault… thinking maybe we are not enough for the people whom we want in our life…maybe we need to be the best version for themselves …maybe we need to remove our imperfections…this damages our confidence and we lose our indentity…

      Let me tell you know, you are beautiful both outward and inward because you own your weakness ..this is the strongest thing one can do…wear those scars as ur pride and if you want to improve , change for yourself and not for others…

      The people who are real worth would want always the real you…


      Liked by 1 person

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