The Black Diary #6

The Black Diary is a symbolic segment that is created to tell the secret story of your struggle. This segment is for those brave-hearts fighting their silent battles every day & night. Let the world know your battle because you’re not alone. Few in this world of billions are ready to reach out to help you, or you can just finally let out those negative vibes out.

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Male/25/Anonymous

I fear rejections. Who doesn’t?

But my case is different. I fear getting rejected of being a friend. I don’t know whether I am introvert or I am just unsocial. But, I really put the effort of being the nicest guy for the person whom I am with. It’s not as if I enact the role of a good friend rather I fear of doing anything that would hurt him/her. Because I actually do not know how to be a perfect friend. There are no rules to it yet there are so many examples of such great friendships. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any nor seem to make one in near future.

As of now, I think there is no one whom I could call a true friend of mine. Sounds so lame when I write it in this way. Being a guy, how can’t you not have friends? , the million dollar question. But I am very selective about people and things in my life. I just don’t want to hang out with people only for the sake of a company. When I make friends, I can even take a bullet for them. And in that process of so much honesty and sincerity, every friendship or relationship of mine ends up in a big illusion wherein even taking a bullet for them is not enough.

Maybe what this world wants is not a hero. They want a devil. A devil who can treat people like shit and even then get respect out of them. The things that I learned after every such relation were: First, never expect people to treat you with the same intensity as you treat them. Second, never think you can hold people by being nice to them. Third, most important, backstabbing hurts the most.

As for now, I never could become the devil and so faced broken relationships. They told me that I was too nice and so they didn’t deserve me.

Well, Will I ever change to be the guy who doesn’t give a fuck about anyone? I wish someday I could because it seems a universal law to me that,

” When you don’t give a fuck about anyone, everyone gives a fuck about you !”


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One comment

  1. We all crave for love and appreciation and that is because of our internal design. We have been brought up and taught in that way. But you have to realize it is a massive lie that we all are trying to swallow. You don’t need the approval of any one. And there is nothing wrong being an introvert. Different things attracts different people so you like things what many people might not like and that is totally fine. We are seven billion people on earth with seven billion different story, so let your story be as unique as any other. Cheers.

    Liked by 2 people

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