The Black Diary #5

The Black Diary is a symbolic segment that is created to tell the secret story of your struggle. This segment is for those brave-hearts fighting their silent battles every day & night. Let the world know your battle because you’re not alone. Few in this world of billions are ready to reach out to help you, or you can just finally let out those negative vibes out.

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Female/44/Anonymous

“An unhappy marriage, an equally unhappy life but she still smiles because she is in love with someone who is..read below her full story (Names changed to protect identities)

My husband was my office colleague before marriage; we had a circle of friends. One day, he showed us his wedding card. I helped him in shopping for his wife-to-be. He rented a flat and invited our group for a get-together. I readily agreed. It was the shock of my life, when I realised on reaching his home, that I was the only one invited. At the age of 22, I was raped.

I didn’t know what to do, I was completely shattered. I didn’t know whom to approach, I was staying in Mumbai with my relatives. It was the worst phase of my life.

Meanwhile he had told his parents that he was already married in Mumbai, with a child. He wanted to marry me because he wanted a typical traditional lady who will do both house work and also earn money, not too beautiful but a family type who will adjust to his orthodox family – I had all these qualities.

He wasn’t ready to accept the girl chosen by his parents, he wanted to live and enjoy life as per his desire, which wouldn’t have been possible in an arranged marriage.

Forced at gunpoint

He used to carry a gun always; when he met my parents, he had warned me that if I backed out, he would kill me first and kill himself and if my parents refused, he would kill them too. I emotionally forced my parents to agree.

For the sake of society I’m continuing my marriage. I take care of my in-laws and I am an ideal daughter-in-law. It’s been 20 years. My in-laws are a typical orthodox Marwari family. I have to always wear a saree with pallu over my head, touch their feet regularly, not sit on the sofa or watch TV with the family. Do all the household chores… I work. They didn’t force me to quit, because they wanted my money. For the past five years my husband has been at home without a job. He tried his luck in various businesses and made huge losses that I’m paying back now. Luckily last month, he got a job so my misery has reduced a little.

And then I fell in love

I was so frustrated with my married life that I had even tried to kill myself many times. But then love came knocking at my door! I fell in love at the age of 40 with a 25-year-old. My lucky charm Prateek, who made me alive again, made me love life. I feel like a 20-year-old madly in love! It was love at first sight. I had never imagined my life would take such a romantic turn at this point.

I realised that there is no fixed time, date or place to fall in love with someone… a love story can begin any time anywhere!

It has been a wonderful journey since the day we met and fell in love… I have never felt so lively in my life… From our very first meeting we became good friends…Within a week of our friendship, one evening, he whispered in my ears, that he had many female friends in his life but he had never been so close to anyone of them. He caressed my hands slowly; he took my hands in his and held my fingers tightly. I was surprised at myself that I allowed him to touch me so easily; it was as if I was longing for him to touch me, it was total bliss, and I was in seventh heaven.

The next day we kissed, hugged, and made love. I cannot express in words, the amount of love, care and attention he gave me on that day. We didn’t even speak a word to each other the whole day…we just loved, completely oblivious to the world around us.

We share everything

I’m not bothered about my family, since my husband is a male chauvinist and has never given me the love and respect which my lover is giving me. I hope in my next lifetime we’re able to marry.

I share with him all the good and bad; my entire daily routine either by message or call; not a single day has passed when we have not communicated with each other. If we are not able to phone, we message each other. He gives me logical solutions to all my problems (personal and professional) and I also help him. He is a very good listener. We’ve never argued or fought with each other. He is happily married. He got married (an arranged marriage) after we fell in love and divides his time beautifully between me and his wife.

All because of love
Three years ago I used to weigh around 95 kg and looked dull. I was frustrated and tired with frequent illness. Now I weigh 70 kg… looking younger and feeling fresh and lively – all thanks to my love!

Anyone can be madly in love, plan their present and future and be sure that they will be together one day, but when you are sure that you can never be together and still continue to be in love with each other – that is true love.


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4 comments

    • Truly said Minal! We get into the vicious web of pleasing others that we forget to make ourselves happy.

      Yes, she has struggled a lot and we wish her the best. Thank You so much for being so warm 🤗

      Love
      Amrita

      Like

  1. This is the 1st post in this section that I am not able to like…
    I feel pained how she was cheated & raped, but then I don’t understand how she can marry a rapist & a goon ( always carrying a gun). What kind of a life she can have with such a person? But then I thought she must have been too scared and fell in this trap….
    Then she found true love & I was happy for her but then the very next moment I was shocked! Her true love married another girl & now he is two-timing & she feels it’s all right!
    Life is not easy neither fair to all but we should be a fighter, we have to gather courage & do the right thing & what she is doing is not right! She may be blinded by love now but this happiness is temporary….Hope she realise soon that in love there is always two ppl not three!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Usually…Reality is Harsh ; Everyone doesn’t get a Fairy-Tale type life !!
      Hope that she is happy emotionally now and lives happily till the end of her life forgetting the scars she had in her younger days !!
      Especially for a lady…she has to tolerate many life-happenings only for the sake of her parents and mainly for Society….hope with the Time…everything Heals !!!

      Liked by 3 people

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