RUMINATIONS is a NEW segment of the BLOG. This page will share the moments of soul-searching from Neel’s life. Hope his introspection becomes a source of motivation for others.
Diary Entry : MY bike MY RESPITE……16th Mar’17…1450 hrs
What happens when your vision gets blurred with overflowing thoughts?
What happens when your mind fills with overwhelming questions?
What happens when your heart drowns in overshadowing hatred ?
This is the moment when you wish desperately either to get sucked into the depths of the land or to get swallowed into the vastness of the sky. It is the most fragile instant of your life wherein you find yourself rendered completely helpless. This is the weakest point in your mental state where you are completely exposed to your pessimistic-self. Yeah, the optimistic one take a stupid vacation in the midst of the ruckus as if to mock your confidence and prove your dependency on it.
I am a very emotional person and with this attitude comes the perks of being an over-analytical guy. I tend to over think the conversations I had..tend to over-assess the actions I did…tend to over-analyze what people would think of my behavior. May be I am an introvert for you but then terminologies can only just categorize us not resolve the constant war within us.
So, I prefer to believe that even though every person is unique and has a different sets of personality, each one of them possess a heart and a mind. And to be really honest, the heart and mind synchronicity is a difficult task to achieve. Both of these operate in silos depending upnon the context of situations. As an example, when you fall in love with someone, definately your heart is the driver and your mind is just a passenger. However, when you are in your workplace, standing infront of your boss with an exceeded deadline of your project and waiting to be reprimanded, then it is your mind that takes over the dominanting role to save you from the shit.
Now, there are instances when my mind and heart fights within themselves to take up the commanding role for the same situation or context. Such instances leave me haywire and baffled. As a result the first three questions keeps popping in me and that too in a repeat mode. An example of such instance is when my realistic-self and imaginitive-self clashes over a point of decision. The realistic self, my mind, says me to move on from my dreams since they are not feasible for me. But then simulatenously, my imaginative-self, pleads to hold on to my dreams no matter what may come, since the dreams are what makes us human. Therefore, during such circumstances, I really fail to come up with any decision and the obvious outburst of my emtional version happens…clouding my mind with questions from imaginative-self and blurring my heart with answers from realistic-self.
What do I do now? How could I solve this? When does this raging battle end?
Well, do I really need to find answer to these to solve the storm within me. I did try my best in the past to seek the solutions but failed misreably while losing in its darkness.
What we actually need is just a pause to let the storm pass away…a respite to let the clouds in us, rain and wash away the confusions…a recess to rediscover ourselves.
For me, I pick up my leather jacket and my helmet…jump on my sports bike…and keep on driving till my thoughts can’t catch up with my mind and my emotion can’t shed its shadow over my heart. It is that state when I feel truly free…free to let my heart and my mind ride away in me as a single entity and in complete sync. It is the moment of realization when I feel I can do anything with my life. It is the instant when I know my weakest points are my strengths since I know them, have accepted them and decided to work upon them.
So, dear diary, if anyone reads this till the end, do let her/him feel that they are not alone in the war with their thoughts…that they need to find their respite…that they need to work on themselves till they find the best version of themselves…because
GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION !!!
PS : Going on a ride now…Wanna hop in….!!!
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